advice
I recently contracted herpes. I had an outbreak and w
ent to two different doctors to make sure. The thing is that I have been married for almost 11 yrs. I had gotten tested in April and everything came out fine. All of a sudden I have this virus. My husband denies having anything to do with it. His logic is that he doesn't have lesions so he doesn't have it, but he refuses to get checked. So anyways about two months ago I couldn't have sex and he started acting funny. Like coming home late working long hours at work and a female coworker was even texting him. So I have doubts of course but i dont know how to approach it. Obviously he isnt just going to come out and tell me. Now hes killing me with kindness. What do I do? I need outside advice.
ent to two different doctors to make sure. The thing is that I have been married for almost 11 yrs. I had gotten tested in April and everything came out fine. All of a sudden I have this virus. My husband denies having anything to do with it. His logic is that he doesn't have lesions so he doesn't have it, but he refuses to get checked. So anyways about two months ago I couldn't have sex and he started acting funny. Like coming home late working long hours at work and a female coworker was even texting him. So I have doubts of course but i dont know how to approach it. Obviously he isnt just going to come out and tell me. Now hes killing me with kindness. What do I do? I need outside advice.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by greenie on -
You can get herpes in the lower parts from oral herpes (cold sores) depending on the type of sex you practice with your husband, so it may not be a malevolent source, as many people carry oral herpes, and if he had something as simple as a cold sore, then, well, as I said. Don't go, necessarily, to the dark places on that basis. The texting thing, however, is quite concerning. If you have concerns about your marriage, or even just because of this diagnosis, tell him you want to go to marriage counseling for a while to help with the adjustment (don't mention the suspicioins). Ask him if he can help you with it by doing this. Only confront him with your fears, and the facts of why you believe them, in marriage counseling. The thing is that if you suspect, you probably already know. So, I would suggest prior to that, spending a little money to verify your concerns before confronting him, and doing so by addressing the fact that you want to SAVE your marriage, and that you didn't want him to cause it to fail by lying about what you already know in your heart, making matters worse than they already are (and hence the checking). The double is that if he doesn't want to save the marriage, you already have what you need for divorce court.
As for testing him for Herpes, well, he has to have an open sore, and it has to be on his privates, or in the general area, so, if you happen to pay closer attention when you are intimate, you might be able to confront him if you find a sore,.
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Permalink Reply by chili4you on -
I am so sorry to hear of your situation and such a shame. What concerns me is that he does not want to get tested and getting the text messages are most disturbing. I also realize that it is something very difficult to absorb after 11 years of marriage but you must find out if you contracted this from him. He will NOT directly tell you but you need to basically force him to get checked out (with you being present of course) to satisfy your suspicions. Tell him "Honey, if you are not the 'culprit' here then you have nothing to worry about. Let's make an appointment for and we'll go together."
Good luck to you and hope things work out.
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Permalink Reply by paindfoot on -
First of all let me say how sorry I am you are going through this. While I don't have any experience with herpes my daughter recently contracted HPV from her second ever boyfriend. While it is indeed heart breaking it can be some what controlled. Although I am sure your doctor has all ready talked to you.
As far as your husband goes, you have every right to be suspicious. The working late, texting, etc all point to the fact that something isn't quite right. If you have a pastor or a priest that you could approach do. They can be a god send in times like these. Above and beyond that join a herpes support group you will find a wealth of support there.
It is up to you to make the next move with your husband I don't think he is going to make the next move. Marriage counselling if your inclined but if it were me, I would either pack my bags or his. You are dealing with enough emotional, mental, and physical anguish right now, you don't need any more. Put some time and space in there and then see how you feel. God Bless
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Permalink Reply by brooke on
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Herpes in your genitals is an STI. You can't just suddenly get it. You also do not need to have lesions or an outbreak to have Herpes, you can be a carrier and spread it or the virus can be in an incubation period.
Plan another "visit" to the Dr., come back home and tell your husband you tested positive for HIV as well!! See how fast he runs to the doctor! I would also become a "detective" and check cell phone records, emails and follow him or have a friend follow him. A woman's intuition is not something to deny, especially when you are a wife and mother.
About your health... I've heard of people going on super healthy, immune boosting diets and getting cured of it but of course there's no scientific evidence just individual case studies. Just follow up with Dr's visits so it remains manageable.
Brooke
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