Food As A Form of Punishment
A few weeks ago I covered the topic of food as a source of reward. On the flip side, people also use food and overeating as a form of punishment. Using food, whether as a source of comfort or as a hostile act towards yourself or others, is still emotional eating. It is giving food more power than food deserves. Do you use food as a form of punishment? Before you answer, read keep on reading.
1. Using Food to Hurt Yourself
Over the years I have worked with many people who have reported that they ate to punish themselves. It was an act of self-hatred. “I found myself eating ten Twix bars because I hated myself so much and it was a way to get back at myself,” someone shared with me. Food, especially in excessive quantities, can hurt us. No different than the person that cuts themselves, overeating or binging, can be a way that we inflict pain on ourselves. Do you eat to hurt yourself?
2. Using Food to Hurt Someone Else
Another common theme is people that eat to prove to someone else (usually a parent or a spouse) that they can’t be controlled. One man who had harbored a long-standing resentment towards his wife made sure that he didn’t lose the weight she wanted him to lose by eating an ice-cream sundae every night on his way home from work. It is normal to resist being dominated by another person but does it really make sense to put your own health in jeopardy out of spite? Are you punishing anyone in your life by overeating or staying overweight?
3. Using Food to Get Back at Society
In a more global way, perhaps our obesity epidemic is just a grand scale way that we are punishing a society that expects us to be perfect. We may get so down on ourselves believing that we will never live up to the ideal, that we abandon all effort entirely. Are you fed up with a society that expects you to be too thin, completely fit and tightly toned?
If you are using food as a form of punishment, you may want to ask yourself why. Is it really getting you the result you want? Not just in terms of how your body looks and feels, but is it getting you the love and acceptance you want from a partner or parent? Is it getting you a feeling of belonging by the world? And if your answer is no, how can you handle your real feelings productively instead of by punishing with food? You deserve to eat well, feel good and have fulfilling relationships. Overeating as a form of punishment postpones treating yourself well. Article from Shrink Yourself http://www.shrinkyourself.com/blog_item.asp?i=-116
1. Using Food to Hurt Yourself
Over the years I have worked with many people who have reported that they ate to punish themselves. It was an act of self-hatred. “I found myself eating ten Twix bars because I hated myself so much and it was a way to get back at myself,” someone shared with me. Food, especially in excessive quantities, can hurt us. No different than the person that cuts themselves, overeating or binging, can be a way that we inflict pain on ourselves. Do you eat to hurt yourself?
2. Using Food to Hurt Someone Else
Another common theme is people that eat to prove to someone else (usually a parent or a spouse) that they can’t be controlled. One man who had harbored a long-standing resentment towards his wife made sure that he didn’t lose the weight she wanted him to lose by eating an ice-cream sundae every night on his way home from work. It is normal to resist being dominated by another person but does it really make sense to put your own health in jeopardy out of spite? Are you punishing anyone in your life by overeating or staying overweight?
3. Using Food to Get Back at Society
In a more global way, perhaps our obesity epidemic is just a grand scale way that we are punishing a society that expects us to be perfect. We may get so down on ourselves believing that we will never live up to the ideal, that we abandon all effort entirely. Are you fed up with a society that expects you to be too thin, completely fit and tightly toned?
If you are using food as a form of punishment, you may want to ask yourself why. Is it really getting you the result you want? Not just in terms of how your body looks and feels, but is it getting you the love and acceptance you want from a partner or parent? Is it getting you a feeling of belonging by the world? And if your answer is no, how can you handle your real feelings productively instead of by punishing with food? You deserve to eat well, feel good and have fulfilling relationships. Overeating as a form of punishment postpones treating yourself well. Article from Shrink Yourself http://www.shrinkyourself.com/blog_item.asp?i=-116
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by amanda on -
I think you brought up something really important here: self-harm comes in different forms. Yet it always stems from a similar place. As opposed to other forms of self-medication, eating or using food as a reward/punishment probably doesn't seem like self-harm because it's more socially acceptable to do. Eating-to-harm is probably accepted because it's inline with our obsession with appearances and dieting. But at the end of the day, the desire/need to eat as a form of control possesses the same compulsivity that is often associated with mental illnesses (anxiety & depression for example). In fact, compulsive eating (as well as loss of appetite) is a common symptom of depression.
I would suggest that anyone who does any of the 3 types of eating that you mention see a therapist as soon as possible. The thought patterns involved with this sort behavior are a telltale sign of other problems with mental processes - all of which affect a person's ability to enjoy life and function their best. It's not the food that's the problem. Anyone who experiences this sort of eating to harm would, I think, really benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy. CBT provides a great combination of understanding why you think a certain way while also physically practicing better living via thought control and exercises.
Thanks for bringing light to this over-looked, yet (I'm sure) very common experience. I hope that people who use food this way will seek help and understand that the food isn't actually the problem, the food is just a means for dealing with a deeper problem.
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Permalink Reply by write4him on -
I completely agree, Amanada. Too often we focus ONLY on the food, when that's just the manifestation. Abuse was at the bottom of my food issues. I had to start to pay attention to my self-talk when I would choose to eat even tho it was physically painful. Altho I've never been seriously obese, I've fluctuated all my life with needing to lose 10-20 pounds or obsessing about maintaining at a size 8. Even thin, I was never free. Too often when children are abused, they have no one to take it out on but themselves - it's the only safe avenue. Life happens and decades pass and then we realize we're still not on the other side of some issues. Now that my daughter is long gone I've been able to get back to dealing with me and I've seen how at the bottom of it all, it's absolutely been about hurting me. The good news is that I can choose different behavior and attitudes about me today. Over time that gets from the head to the heart and eventually shows itself on the outside. It's definitely a process though - that little kid mentality has to get healed at the core, nurtured and through self-parenting, valued and adored. Then with compassion and not judgment, we move to a better way of living.
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