Dating, Spouses, Marriage and Dystonia
Well, I finally thought I would be brave enough to start this topic as it NEVER is discussed openly. It's time to do so. Being single in the Big Apple, I have wondered what has dating been like for others with dystonia ? Do others date ? When do you mention dystonia to your partner ? Do you longer date or is it no longer on your menu ?
For those married, what effect has your dystonia had on your spouse ?
Supportive ? Abandonment ? Abuse ?
beka
For those married, what effect has your dystonia had on your spouse ?
Supportive ? Abandonment ? Abuse ?
beka
Tags: caregiver, coping, dating, dystonia, husbands, marital, marriage, partners, relationships, spouses
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by MichelleSchwinger on -
I've posted how my Dystonia showed up in month 13 of our relationship-- in fact, I met my 1st neuro 4 years ago today, and that my husband has been INCREDIBLY wonderful.
I do often wonder if he entered a sham of a marriage-- even 15 months ago I was far more functioning than I am now.
I think the best advice I would give or use if I was back into the dating world now, 6 years later is to bring it up on the 3rd date unless symptoms dictate sooner. I would bring it up as, Hi I'm Michelle. I love the Buffalo Sabres. Oh and I have dystonia. Let me tell you about it.
I wouldn't force it down a guys throat, but I wouldn't try to hide it-- at all. This is me, 24 years old, and this is who I am going to be at 54 years old.
Even now though,, I try to play it tough, and it's dumb for me to pretend. I participate in what I can and have stopped trying to make apologies for what I can't. If I apologize, I apologize for some disease that decided to arrive with vengeance 4 years ago.
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Permalink Reply by Donna on
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I am 54 never married, dating someone who is never going to commit, have not told him about the dystonia since I feel it is a waste of time and am incredibly lonely.
I have no family and there are no support groups near me.
Laid off in June, temping right now with three weeks left on assignment.
Had a long term relationship that ended quickly when dystonia was discussed. No man wants damaged goods.
Busy making a future for myself by myself.
Some days I feel sorry for myself but then I think that it is the other person's problem. The guys who have walked out have lost out on a great person. I may be ugly outside but stop and look what is inside and maybe you will change your mind.
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Permalink Reply by Rosemary on -
I hope your temp work gets extended and that a full time job appears soon.
All the best, R
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Permalink Reply by anniehuser on -
I'm single in NYC as well, and at age 27 I watched 4 friends get married this year. Being single was frustrating before, but now even more so as I am relatively uncomfortable around people who don't know about me and my disorder.
As much as my friends say it isn't noticeable, I think anyone who spends more than 15 minutes talking to me would notice. And then it just seems like kind of a heavy thing to bring up - "Oh, by the way, I have an incurable neuromuscular disorder, but no biggie!" I'm putting myself out there more, but it's hard, when mostly I just want to lay on the couch.
Thanks, Beka for opening up a place to share.
- Annie
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Permalink Reply by Karen on -
Hi all,
Why not try some of the dating websites?
I know some people who have met this way and got married. Do you think that everyone
who meets through the internet has no physical or emotional problems? I say it is definitely worth trying.
You are all a wonderful group of people who have a lot to offer.
Karen
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Permalink Reply by Monica Coogan on -
i met and married my husband while he had (has) dystonia. he was wheelchair bound at some points, but i did not care. i gave him sponge baths, fetched anything he needed, comforted him, loved him, and helped him any way i could. he's almost better now that he's off the crazy meds they had him one for 4 years. he has pretty good independence now but i still have to do some things for him. i love him so much. the person that would look at you the same way no matter what state ur in and not even blink is "the one". i wouldnt care if he ever got better i'd love him just the same and don't know him any other way. if you are wondering who will love you in that state, the answer is somebody. if you meet someone who treats you like any other person, and supports you no matter what, you will know. unfortunately those people are sometimes hard to come by, but believe me they are out there. if someone doesn't see the reward of showing you real love and support, they are a waste of time. if they can't appreciate the maturity and new value of life you acquire because of your disability, they do not deserve to reap the rewards of a wise and caring partner. my husband treats me like gold, and i do the same. i could go on and on about him :) i hope you have/ get someone like him.
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Permalink Reply by Deanna on -
THAT is what marriage is about! You hit the nail on the head.You are blessed! Love has to be unconditonal. I was married the first time a week after turning 18, got on the pill and gained 30 lbs. To make a long story short, when it came to the end. He said," he'd have to imagine me skinny to get excited". OUCH!
I remarried after the first and I divorced, 8yrs and 2 preschoolers.. The Lord blessed me with husband of 15 yrs now and is priceless to me.For so many years I tried to push him away. I had so many broken places in me.
We have a empty nest now, no kids between us by my who are now adults. I am even a Grandma and love him so much!
We had lots of problems in the years to say the least. Only by the grace of God and staying in fellowship with Believers have we kept going.
For those searching, heal yourself inside whatever you have ignored, get healthy and pray in the meantime that the Lord will give you a godly mate.
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Permalink Reply by mrsmomma070810 on -
i have been married for three and half yrs got two and half kids (am pregnant with number 3) and we have our ups and downs in marriage. hes been very supportive of the things i wanna do but he always knows when to tell me to sit down when I'm tired or stressed so we are doing good he loves me for me and my flaws he has known since day one about my disease so no secrets:) which helped he married me for me which i don't see why.
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