Men In Therapy
There is an apparent gender gap in today’s therapy amongst women and men. According to a Harris Interactive poll titled “Therapy in America,” women are far more likely to seek out and enter therapy than men are. The fact is that there are various external and internal forces that prohibit men from seeking therapy when faced with troubling issues in their lives. One of these forces is the internal self-image of oneself and the attempt to try and preserve it. Admitting you need help is admitting there is something wrong with you, which for many men is a hard thing to do. Furthermore, the external societal pressure to maintain a certain level of masculinity through the practice of gender roles helps to explain why so many men don’t view therapy as an option to better health. The problem is that seeking therapy is not aligned with the typical gender role of the male, whose main features are competitiveness, emotional stoicism, homophobia, distant fathering, emphasis on work and achievement, neglect of health needs, and distrust of women despite overreliance on them for nurturance, emotional expressiveness, and validation of masculinity. Masculinity is the main barrier that stands in the way of many men seeking out therapy, which is why it is something that needs to be broken down and reconstructed in order for men’s mental health to benefit appropriately.
To better understand why men don’t usually seek out therapy, it is important to look at the issues that cause men a considerable amount of stress and how they cope with them. Situations that typically produce stress for men are those that challenge their self-identity, and if their identity closely matches the traditional male gender role, then they will experience stress in situations requiring subordination to women or emotional expressiveness. Therapy requires emotional expressiveness, which is why the idea of therapy is typically uncomfortable for men. For men to take on therapy as much as women have historically, the male gender role must be challenged. Research even indicates that men who strictly adhere to extreme gender roles are at higher risk for mental disorders. Since research has already found that living with close ties to extreme gender roles is detrimental, there is an apparent flaw in the way these gender roles have been constructed. When coping, men typically respond to stress by putting on a tough image, keeping their feelings inside, releasing stress through such activities as sports, actively attempting to solve the problem, denying the problem, abusing drugs or alcohol, or otherwise attempting to control the problem. These coping strategies are typically useful, but the question is whether or not they are healthy for one’s mental health. For instance, if more men were dealing with their issues in therapy, then perhaps fewer men would be abusing drugs and alcohol.
Why therapy threatens masculinity is a very complex question. For most men, therapy is the antitheses of “masculinity”—the act of entering therapy clearly requires courage for most men, because it is an act that challenges the foundations of what is considered masculine. The traditional man has been trained to view expression of emotional needs as “sissy stuff.” Men overvalue self-reliance and emotional stoicism. Therapy involves a sense of vulnerability that goes against the male gender role. Society has lent its hand in the molding of this gender role, which is why some aspects of today’s society need to be changed in order for therapy to be more male welcoming. Men often refuse to acknowledge fear, weakness, physical vulnerability, and fatigue, which contributes to men’s unwillingness to perform preventative health behaviors. This refusal is deeply embedded in the male gender role that has be reestablished and perpetuated throughout history. Gender roles are not biological constructions but social constructions, which create powerful expectations designed to outline acceptable behavior for each sex. Because the practice of gender roles are so important in obtaining the definitions of masculinity, any deviation away from typical gender roles are seen as inappropriate and undesirable.
There are many gender theories that may help to better understand why therapy is such an uncomfortable action for men to take. Nancy Chodorow’s object-relations theory suggests that children develop according to their interactions with their mothers. However, the theory also suggests that mothers “push boys toward independence, helping them to adjust to the male-dominated work environment, but rendering them unaccustomed to emotional connection." Applying this theory to therapy, Chodorow suggests that the uneasiness surrounding emotional connection and openness stems from mothers pushing their sons toward emotional independence. A man entering therapy must give up some of this emotional independence, which in turn sacrifices some of his autonomy to the therapist. This notion of sacrificing emotional autonomy is one main reason why many men avoid therapy as a coping method.
Another gender theory that can help explain male resistance to therapy was developed in 1976. Brannon isolated four themes of male development, messages that men master to some extent before puberty. The messages are: the need to be different from women, the need to be superior to others, the need to be self-reliant and independent, and the need to be more powerful than others. All of these messages attribute to male resistance when it comes to psychotherapy. Therapy has historically been seen as a female practice, so men’s need to be different from women can be easily expressed in the refusal to enter therapy. The need to be superior and independent is detrimental to what current therapy models require—a sacrificing of autonomy and emotional vulnerability. This further indicates why men refuse therapy. The need to be more powerful than others is another message that men learn from an early age, however, entering therapy requires men to admit they need help, therefore admitting they aren’t as powerful as the male model typically suggests. The most fundamental premise that the male client must reconsider is the notion that he is in complete control of himself and his surroundings. Giving up control over a situation for a male is very dangerous, for it goes against nearly all of the messages outlined as being the foundations for the male gender.
The importance of this issue is that men are not getting the help they need because of the rigid outlines of the male gender role. The literature surrounding this issue believes it is sociologically important because many men are beginning to believe that some of what they have learned about being male profoundly interferes with the personal fulfillment they desire. The notion of being masculine is the primary barrier in men getting the emotional support that many of them need. It is important to understand why there is a gender gap in today’s psychotherapy because it helps to understand why gender roles, however established, are not always complementary to a healthy life. Men are continuously burying their issues inside and are dealing with their problems in fleeting ways. There needs to be more understanding of the male population in order for a new therapy model to be adapted that can benefit them. Either that or the entire male gender role needs to be reconstructed in a way that enables men to show emotional vulnerability and lose some control over their surroundings.
The traditional characteristics of the male gender role serve as a prominent roadblock to men in therapy. There are distinct differences between the female and male gender roles that allow women to express vulnerability and their faults. The male gender role strives far too much for perfection, often isolating the man from the outside world. Society allows women to openly seek therapy, whereas men seeking therapy is seen as weakness. Today’s therapy however has adapted a feminist model, so there is a need for changes to be made to better suit male clients. “Since men often see psychotherapy as an “alien” world, and frequently try to handle problems with avoidance, therapists must avoid colluding with men’s resistance to entering therapy. The fact is that therapy should not been seen as an “alien” world for men because most of them would actually benefit from it. The male gender role is too restrictive on men and places them in a constant strive for independence and isolation. This is dangerous to men’s mental health, for positive mental health requires the balancing of both feminine and masculine attributes. People, especially men, need to realize that it’s okay to exhibit traits that have been typically associated with the opposite sex. It doesn’t make you less gendered, it only makes for a well-rounded and healthy individual.
Why do you think more women enter psychotherapy than men? Do you agree that the male gender role is too restricting? What can be done to increase the willingness of men to enter therapy?
To better understand why men don’t usually seek out therapy, it is important to look at the issues that cause men a considerable amount of stress and how they cope with them. Situations that typically produce stress for men are those that challenge their self-identity, and if their identity closely matches the traditional male gender role, then they will experience stress in situations requiring subordination to women or emotional expressiveness. Therapy requires emotional expressiveness, which is why the idea of therapy is typically uncomfortable for men. For men to take on therapy as much as women have historically, the male gender role must be challenged. Research even indicates that men who strictly adhere to extreme gender roles are at higher risk for mental disorders. Since research has already found that living with close ties to extreme gender roles is detrimental, there is an apparent flaw in the way these gender roles have been constructed. When coping, men typically respond to stress by putting on a tough image, keeping their feelings inside, releasing stress through such activities as sports, actively attempting to solve the problem, denying the problem, abusing drugs or alcohol, or otherwise attempting to control the problem. These coping strategies are typically useful, but the question is whether or not they are healthy for one’s mental health. For instance, if more men were dealing with their issues in therapy, then perhaps fewer men would be abusing drugs and alcohol.
Why therapy threatens masculinity is a very complex question. For most men, therapy is the antitheses of “masculinity”—the act of entering therapy clearly requires courage for most men, because it is an act that challenges the foundations of what is considered masculine. The traditional man has been trained to view expression of emotional needs as “sissy stuff.” Men overvalue self-reliance and emotional stoicism. Therapy involves a sense of vulnerability that goes against the male gender role. Society has lent its hand in the molding of this gender role, which is why some aspects of today’s society need to be changed in order for therapy to be more male welcoming. Men often refuse to acknowledge fear, weakness, physical vulnerability, and fatigue, which contributes to men’s unwillingness to perform preventative health behaviors. This refusal is deeply embedded in the male gender role that has be reestablished and perpetuated throughout history. Gender roles are not biological constructions but social constructions, which create powerful expectations designed to outline acceptable behavior for each sex. Because the practice of gender roles are so important in obtaining the definitions of masculinity, any deviation away from typical gender roles are seen as inappropriate and undesirable.
There are many gender theories that may help to better understand why therapy is such an uncomfortable action for men to take. Nancy Chodorow’s object-relations theory suggests that children develop according to their interactions with their mothers. However, the theory also suggests that mothers “push boys toward independence, helping them to adjust to the male-dominated work environment, but rendering them unaccustomed to emotional connection." Applying this theory to therapy, Chodorow suggests that the uneasiness surrounding emotional connection and openness stems from mothers pushing their sons toward emotional independence. A man entering therapy must give up some of this emotional independence, which in turn sacrifices some of his autonomy to the therapist. This notion of sacrificing emotional autonomy is one main reason why many men avoid therapy as a coping method.
Another gender theory that can help explain male resistance to therapy was developed in 1976. Brannon isolated four themes of male development, messages that men master to some extent before puberty. The messages are: the need to be different from women, the need to be superior to others, the need to be self-reliant and independent, and the need to be more powerful than others. All of these messages attribute to male resistance when it comes to psychotherapy. Therapy has historically been seen as a female practice, so men’s need to be different from women can be easily expressed in the refusal to enter therapy. The need to be superior and independent is detrimental to what current therapy models require—a sacrificing of autonomy and emotional vulnerability. This further indicates why men refuse therapy. The need to be more powerful than others is another message that men learn from an early age, however, entering therapy requires men to admit they need help, therefore admitting they aren’t as powerful as the male model typically suggests. The most fundamental premise that the male client must reconsider is the notion that he is in complete control of himself and his surroundings. Giving up control over a situation for a male is very dangerous, for it goes against nearly all of the messages outlined as being the foundations for the male gender.
The importance of this issue is that men are not getting the help they need because of the rigid outlines of the male gender role. The literature surrounding this issue believes it is sociologically important because many men are beginning to believe that some of what they have learned about being male profoundly interferes with the personal fulfillment they desire. The notion of being masculine is the primary barrier in men getting the emotional support that many of them need. It is important to understand why there is a gender gap in today’s psychotherapy because it helps to understand why gender roles, however established, are not always complementary to a healthy life. Men are continuously burying their issues inside and are dealing with their problems in fleeting ways. There needs to be more understanding of the male population in order for a new therapy model to be adapted that can benefit them. Either that or the entire male gender role needs to be reconstructed in a way that enables men to show emotional vulnerability and lose some control over their surroundings.
The traditional characteristics of the male gender role serve as a prominent roadblock to men in therapy. There are distinct differences between the female and male gender roles that allow women to express vulnerability and their faults. The male gender role strives far too much for perfection, often isolating the man from the outside world. Society allows women to openly seek therapy, whereas men seeking therapy is seen as weakness. Today’s therapy however has adapted a feminist model, so there is a need for changes to be made to better suit male clients. “Since men often see psychotherapy as an “alien” world, and frequently try to handle problems with avoidance, therapists must avoid colluding with men’s resistance to entering therapy. The fact is that therapy should not been seen as an “alien” world for men because most of them would actually benefit from it. The male gender role is too restrictive on men and places them in a constant strive for independence and isolation. This is dangerous to men’s mental health, for positive mental health requires the balancing of both feminine and masculine attributes. People, especially men, need to realize that it’s okay to exhibit traits that have been typically associated with the opposite sex. It doesn’t make you less gendered, it only makes for a well-rounded and healthy individual.
Why do you think more women enter psychotherapy than men? Do you agree that the male gender role is too restricting? What can be done to increase the willingness of men to enter therapy?
Tags: anxiety, depression, health, men, men's, psychotherapy, therapy
© 2009 Created by Marie
