Spotlight: Mary Lockhart
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Spotlight: Mary Lockhart Blog: Mary's Place http://mari5113.blogspot.com Blogging since: 1999 Alzheimer's Disease: Diagnosed with dementia in 1995. Advocacy: I host the chat room at the Dementia Advocacy and Support Network (DASNI). |
What’s it like for you?
Every day is different. I go to do something and forget what it was. If I want a drink of water, if I don’t keep repeating to myself that I’m going for a drink of water, I’ll go on to something else without ever getting it. Or, I’ll start do something and if the dogs want to go out I’ll let them out and forget the other thing.
I had to give up my job, which I loved. I was self-employed, running a thriving licensed daycare center for infants. The doctor made me give it up because he said it was too stressful. He told me I’d be gone in five to seven years, too. But here I am, 13 years after diagnosis, still helping others.
Can you describe a key turning point?
When I was first diagnosed, I was very lonely, thinking I must be the only person in her fifties with Alzheimer’s. One day while my husband was at work, I decided to go online. I had never touched a computer before. I typed in Alzheimer's and found a place where caregivers were posting. I typed in a message about myself and asked to hear from someone else who was dealing with the same thing. Right away Laura from Montana responded. She was the same age as me. She gave me a link to join a group coping with dementia (which later became DASNI) and I haven’t been lonely since. I will be forever thankful to Laura. Soon after, my husband bought me my own laptop and soon I was doing a Web page and hosting the DASNI chat room. The chat room has been the biggest help to me.
How have your personal relationships changed?
Many of my friends didn’t know how to handle it. When I would tell them they would ask what they could do and I would say just continue being my friend. But for some reason they didn't. But now I’ve replaced them with online friends.
What made you start your blog?
I wanted to keep track of my life, and let people know there is still life after diagnosis. I don’t think I would be doing so well today if I didn’t have my blog and people encouraging me.
Who is on your dream medical team?
Dr. Tang at the OU Medical Center. He is working day and night to find a cure for Alzheimer's. I first heard about him through the Alzheimer's Association and I have met him at a conference.
What advice do you give people in the initial stages of diagnosis?
Get on the medication for dementia right away. Make sure you always have something to look forward to. Remember when you have a bad day that tomorrow will be better.
What do you worry about?
I’m concerned about people who will hide in the closet when they get their diagnosis. I have never been ashamed of having Alzheimer's.
What advice would you give new caregivers?
Be patient and never argue.
What are your long-term goals?
To help as many people as I can. I am a person who needs to feel needed. I want to be an inspiration to others for years to come. I want to be able to celebrate our 50th anniversary.
Learn more about Mary.
| Who inspires you? Let us know who we should feature in our next Spotlight Interview. Write us at community@wegohealth.com |
Tags: alzheimer's, spotlight
Comment
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Comment by Mary Lockhart on June 20, 2008 at 6:34pm
- Jack, I have decided they weren't real friends. I havent ever seen a contract but not a bad idea you have there...
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Comment by Jack Barrette on May 23, 2008 at 11:51am -
Mary, thanks for this; it's amazing to have such articulate perspective from someone experiencing Alzheimer's. Your point about friends leaving really hit me - my Dad had that experience too, and as a caregiver I tried to corral his friends to get over their fear and to stay by him. A very, very few repaid his years of kindness with any real contact.
I've often thought that a "contract" - a written document that friends sign pledging to remember the long friendship together and to stick around - would be very powerful. It would be purely symbolic of course, but could explain that things will be different, that lives are long and complicated, and that true friends Stand By Each Other. Ever seen such a thing? I know parents and kids do this a lot...
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Comment by Ria on May 20, 2008 at 9:32pm - Just posted a tweet about this interview. Mary, you are an inspiration, not just for people with Alzheimer's but for anyone who feels alone. The fact that you were proactive about finding the support you needed is wonderful.
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Comment by Sarah on May 20, 2008 at 5:59pm - Your advice to caregivers is so true. My Grams just recently passed from late-stage Alzheimer's and my sister couldn't NOT argue with her (and BOY would she come up with some CRAZY stories) so she had to just avoid Grams. I'm glad that blogging has been helpful in keeping track of life! :)
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Comment by Janeen on May 20, 2008 at 5:12pm -
Jody,
Amazing interview and Mary sounds like an amazing woman!
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Comment by Jody Simpson on May 20, 2008 at 11:09am -
Ellen,
You'll enjoy connecting with Mary. She's an amazing woman and wonderful about sharing her life.
Enjoy!
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Comment by Ellen S on May 20, 2008 at 10:15am -
Jody,
Super job! I actually ran across her blog a few days ago on another search, then found you doing this spotlight on her. Whodathunk! The interview left me eager to write Mary and ask a few more questions, which I'll do next...
Thanks!
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Comment by Adrienne on May 20, 2008 at 9:52am - Jody, what a beautiful interview. Have you been able to visit the DASNI group? Perhaps we should reach out to them.
© 2009 Created by Marie
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