Is your house causing your depression and anxiety?

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Comment by Crystal R. on October 28, 2009 at 2:52pm

I know there is a connection between the state of my house and my mood but honestly it's all over the place. When I'm wrestling with anxiety, I direct my energy toward cleaning and organizing (I do this at work, too). When I'm stressed and overwhelmed, the clutter of my environment drives me even battier. A clean house definitely cheers me up...sometimes it's too hard to get going on the mess, while at other times it seems like the easiest thing to address when I'm feeling down.

Comment by Sarah on October 26, 2009 at 1:30pm

AmyK, I did the dishes this morning and strangely enough, thought about whether you could be doing yours at the same time! LOL I don't know that we're in the same time zone though so who knows! :) Either way, it was interesting to me to think about you while doing some chores!

Comment by Amy K on October 26, 2009 at 2:54am

I like your idea of doing the dishes in the morning while it's still "quiet"!
Seems like we having this challenge in common about our identity somehow being tied to our "neatness". I sure is nice to know others who understand, isn't it?
Thank you so much for the compliment about my list and for the honor of mentioning it in your post!

Comment by Sarah on October 22, 2009 at 2:19pm

Amy K, I so attribute my success in life to how my personal stuff looks like. If I can keep things neat and clean (whether literally or figuratively), then people will think more highly of me. When things are messy (again, literally or figuratively), I put forth a whole different persona and people will look at me differently. It's frustrating but I so feel like it's how most of us live our lives. If only we could push that stigma away and just live our lives day to day not caring whether our carpets need vacuuming again.

I am living with a family and doing chores around the house like I was a member *of* that family and have started unloading or reloading the dishwasher as soon as I come downstairs while it's still relatively quiet in hopes of getting everything going while I don't have as many distractions (including an almost three-year-old) and have found a few days in a row now that the kitchen has stayed cleaner that way. Kinda nice. I don't know that it's possible for you to do that, but it's something to keep in mind!

I liked your A-Z gratitude list! I may have to steal the outline for my own blog post! :)

Comment by Amy K on October 21, 2009 at 1:49am

Great comments!!! I think for women in particular, and possibly men too, we so often attribute the way our home looks to our success in life... so on a personal level if my kitchen is a mess, the laundry not put away, etc. It is just too easy to feel like a "failure". I am amazed at how quickly I can go from feeling like a grown woman to a 12 year old when my mom comes for a visit and my house is not in perfect order, oh... it is something that we use to "measure" ourselves by, isn't it?

Here a funny, well sort-of funny, story for you. Today, I think it literally took me ALL day to unload the dishwasher! Between the little ones, and the little one in particular who is trying my patience the most, and the distractions, phone calls, a visiting friend, errands that came up, etc. It took everything I had just to get that one task completed today! Oh my goodness. I am quite grateful that I have eased up on myself and allowed my imperfections to be just what they are and I try my best not to let them define me any longer. It is too easy to believe the lies that we are worthless and lazy, etc. because we can't "do it all!". And if I were to believe them, that would be such a quick way for me to fall back into the depression hole...

I have to say, I would hire a housekeeper in a heartbeat if I could afford it. It would really feel good, I think. But getting down to it, and doing the work ourselves is something that is good for us, too!

You can find a fun and whimsical, spin on the typical gratitude list, that I compiled on my "fun blog" Polka Dots are Pretty. It is the very first post that I made, as it is a fairly new blog. Check it out if you are interested. It is a feel good kind of post!

Comment by Sarah on October 20, 2009 at 10:27pm

Dianne, I totally get you when you mention that it's hard to get motivated once you're already depressed.The comments at How do you find motivation when you're depressed on the blog My Brain Training are pretty good at making a list of different ways that we can seek help while we're down in the dumps. It's worth checking out - even if some of them are ones you've already been exposed to.

I never really thought about the idea of a cleaning service for someone who is depressed to help pull them out. It's a superb idea though!!

Comment by Dianne Rees on October 20, 2009 at 9:13pm

Well, the flip side of this is that depression can make it very hard to do house cleaning since it saps motivation. Helping a depressed person out by not judging and maybe (if you can afford it) treating them to a maid service day could go a ways do help get them out of a cycle of sadness.

Comment by Sarah on October 20, 2009 at 6:50pm

Ellen, so glad that you jumped into the conversation. Just like I said to AmyK, it seems like this is a topic that quite a few of our Health Activists may have something to say about. Hopefully we can keep some good discussions going and include tips and tricks for those who are in our same situations. Sharing information is what we're here for!

I know my mom frequently felt like she was our complete maid service while I was growing up. She gave us age-specific chores that we could do and we didn't earn an allowance for them, they were just included in what we had to do to keep the house put together. I think that has something to do with my struggles to keep my houses/living areas clean now, though - if Mom sees a mess she'll know I didn't take care of my "chores." You still have children at home, right? Are they willing to take on some of that responsibility even when you're feeling 100% so that they can get used to it? Even if I could afford a housekeeper, I don't know that I would be able to let someone else come in and clean my messes - even as depressed as I've been before.

The Fly Lady actually overwhelms me a little bit but from quite a few blog entries I read this afternoon, I'm realizing that people are really into using her techniques to keep themselves put together and organized.
From my tiny kitchen has a great post about discovering FlyLady and taking advantage of what she can do to help herself with the tips.
Looking for roots was a little overwhelmed by the FlyLady at first but shares A Quick Guide to the Quick-Clean that she learned from the FlyLady and kept in mind for her own daily life.
Seven angels, four kids, one family is a motivated mom and shares her tips for tackling her household chores on her blog, too.

I'm horrible about overdoing things, Ellen. I totally know how you feel. If I start a list, I honestly want to get everything on that list done in the next few hours just to be able to cross it off and *be done*. It's hard because when we live with chronic health issues, pushing ourselves too far can be detrimental to be able to keep a steady level of anything else. Keeping a balance can be tough for anyone, but sometimes spending our marbles or using our spoons has to be allotted to something other than scrubbing a bathroom toilet!

Comment by Sarah on October 20, 2009 at 6:37pm

AmyK, it seems like this post hits home for a few of my Health Activist friends. I'm not surprised - we are pretty highly aware of our living situations along with our physical and mental health, so seeing that connection is probably decently easy for us. Thanks for commenting.

Just today the Mom I'm working for (I'm doing some live-in nannying on top of my work with WEGO Health) and I busted through some decluttering of the playroom and the kitchen. It didn't take us long and it made us both feel better about the house and about being able to get some stuff done. While I wasn't feeling particularly depressed today, even doing that (or sometimes even doing a load of laundry) will pick up my spirits and I'll be able to get even more done soon after that.

I agree that saying in the lighter places is a good thing for fighting the blues. I keep the curtain (and the windows, even) open as much as I can - and living in my new place (in Berkeley, CA) I have learned I can keep the windows open quite a bit longer than I could while living in Portland. It's quite nice. The fresh air along with the natural light is good for our soul whether we're feeling depressed at the moment or not.

I have decided to put up another blog post about doing some random gratitude lists so that we all can have something of our own to turn to. I'm amazed at how positive even a short one made me feel, so if I can get a long one going, I know that I'll have even more resources to go to when I'm struggling.

Comment by Ellen S on October 20, 2009 at 9:43am

Okay, this is big for me. The family doesn't understand because their home always came with complete maid service (aka - me), so I had to take matters into my own hands. It's part of how I try to keep a healthy attitude in the face of my not-so-healthy situation.

When I got sick I began to fall behind. As a full time mom I was surrounded by the reminders of how sick I felt (paper laden kitchen table, unfolded laundry, etc), and this only served to make me feel worse because even in my beautiful home, that's all I saw. I hired a housekeeper for a while, but we moved and I could not locate another I could afford. I began to get depressed as I felt very isolated and alone and surrounded by the feeling of chaos I couldn't control. I felt like my head was constantly spinning on my shoulders and joy and happiness was really hard to see with everything else standing in front of them.

It wasn't long before I accidentally stumbled on an amusing little website I've mentioned in my posts before called Flylady. She calls chaos the "Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome". When I read that, I knew I'd found someone who understood what I was feeling. I immediately subscribed to this website for free, then opened my mind up and started reading. The site taught me a great deal about how to re-think this aspect of my life, and it carried itself onto many other parts as well.

On the outside people tell me I look like a very organized person, but in truth, I'm not anymore, mostly because the energy just isn't there to stay on top of it all. I do try. It's hard when there are others in the house that don't place a priority on this. It's easy to feel so overwhelmed at times, that I want to get started but don't even know where to begin. I'm also bad about overdoing. I became a list maker and a planner, because brain fog makes it impossible to remember the things I used to. This website helped me do that by making me think differently. It is not automatic for me, even after all these years. I have to work really hard at it, and kick the perfectionist part of me out the door.

No, there's no way that I can keep up with all the activities on this crazy website, although there are many who do. But I learned that it's okay to jump right in where you are, and do what you can. I subscribe to the email alerts which act as daily reminders that even 15 minutes can make such a difference in my life and my family's. It's crazy but, the activities and challenges change how you think of daily chores, and can even make them seem fun.

There are days, sometimes weeks that I can't do anything and the burden falls on my hubs, which makes me feel guilty. When my life changed, I needed to change the way I think about things - to become a healthy "I can do this" thinker. We're all different, and there are many ways you can do this. I just happened to find something that has helped me become better. When I find the perfect solution I'll be sure and let you all know.

Maybe someday when it's my turn to win the lottery and I can hire a staff... :)

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