Embracing the "quickie"
You flop on the couch one Friday and pop that popular Hollywood romantic comedy into your DVD player (no, it doesn’t matter which one). Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy makes grand gesture to girl, girl and boy engage in an all-night lovefest that makes even your dog blush. That’s how it’s supposed to be, you think to yourself as you cock a skeptical eyebrow at your significant other. All night long! Just like all the songs say!
With my apologies to Prince, that’s not how it’s supposed to be at all.
According to a survey of U.S. and Canadian sex therapists, good, satisfying sexual intercourse (bear in mind: that’s intercourse itself, actual penetration, not foreplay) generally lasts from 3 to 13 minutes. That’s minutes, not hours. In fact, the average therapist deemed 3-7 minutes of sex as “adequate”, 7-13 minutes as “desirable”, and 10-30 minutes as “too long”. (1-2 minutes was defined as “too short”.) So where are we all getting this idea that sex should be a marathon and not a sprint?
The researchers who conducted the study blame society (for instance, that aforementioned Hollywood blockbuster!) for leading both men and women to believe that they should be demanding at least a half hour of sex.
“This seems a situation ripe for disappointment and dissatisfaction,” said lead study author Eric Corty. “With this survey, we hope to dispel such fantasies and encourage men and women with realistic data about acceptable sexual intercourse, thus preventing sexual disappointments and dysfunctions.”
Amen to that. Hey, isn’t it about quality over quantity, anyway?
Still think you’re just a little…too…fast? Check out this page on premature ejaculation! But relax…it’s only 3 minutes to “adequate”.
With my apologies to Prince, that’s not how it’s supposed to be at all.
According to a survey of U.S. and Canadian sex therapists, good, satisfying sexual intercourse (bear in mind: that’s intercourse itself, actual penetration, not foreplay) generally lasts from 3 to 13 minutes. That’s minutes, not hours. In fact, the average therapist deemed 3-7 minutes of sex as “adequate”, 7-13 minutes as “desirable”, and 10-30 minutes as “too long”. (1-2 minutes was defined as “too short”.) So where are we all getting this idea that sex should be a marathon and not a sprint?
The researchers who conducted the study blame society (for instance, that aforementioned Hollywood blockbuster!) for leading both men and women to believe that they should be demanding at least a half hour of sex.
“This seems a situation ripe for disappointment and dissatisfaction,” said lead study author Eric Corty. “With this survey, we hope to dispel such fantasies and encourage men and women with realistic data about acceptable sexual intercourse, thus preventing sexual disappointments and dysfunctions.”
Amen to that. Hey, isn’t it about quality over quantity, anyway?
Still think you’re just a little…too…fast? Check out this page on premature ejaculation! But relax…it’s only 3 minutes to “adequate”.
Tags: ejaculation, health, premature, sexual
Add a Comment
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Comment by Sue on April 26, 2008 at 2:01pm - I saw this recently myself.
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Comment by Amanda on April 26, 2008 at 7:15am - Vinnie, I smell a blog topic....
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Comment by Vincent J. Tamuzza, MD on April 26, 2008 at 1:21am -
Those "quickies" might be protecting your man from prostate cancer! Studies have shown that frequent ejaculations reduce the risk of prostate cancer, possibly by preventing carcinogens from building up. The Advocate has a short blurb on a recent Australian study.
The article specifically mentions frequent masturbation as "protective" against prostate cancer, as opposed to sexual intercourse, since STDs can actually raise the risk of prostate cancer. It can probably be assumed, however, that frequent ejaculation from sex in a mutually monogamous relationship confers the same benefits as masturbation.
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Comment by Sue on April 20, 2008 at 6:49pm
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You are SO right about the quality over quantity. With 2 kids 3 1/2 and 2, it's really hard to find the time, let alone have much energy. Then I see things on tv and read stuff and am like, what are these people taking?!? :) Sometimes it's good to know I'm not alone in my reality and that everyone else isn't living in hollywood without us.
Jennifer - That is a very interesting article. I know some people would think we're crazy as we do, many times "schedule" a night for intimacy. But with the kids and schedules, that's the way to ensure weeks and months don't go by.
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Comment by Jennifer Cochran-Biederman, MS, MA on April 19, 2008 at 11:18am -
As a soon-to-be newlywed (one month - eeek!), I must say that we are still re-making those steamy Hollywood love scenes - or at least trying! Our biggest challenge, like Felisha brought up, is time. Juggling school, work, wedding planning is always on my mind, so sometimes it's hard to get in the moment. I can't imagine what it will be like once we have kids!
We are trying to keep it real and understand that there will be ups and downs in our relationship. Here is a fabulous article that discusses the realities of marriage and making love. Admittedly, I don't like to think about what it will be like when the dopamine levels off - but it's important to mentally prepare for the future.
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Comment by Felisha Griffin on April 17, 2008 at 11:02am - I can definitely agree that quality is far more important than quantity, and it doesn’t seem too surprising that a “quickie” is actually the norm. Who hasn’t visited the fast food drive through at least once in their lifetime to grab a quick meal on the go? These two definitely aren’t equivalent, but in general, society is in a rush to get most things done. I came across an interesting survey conducted a couple of years ago that looked at how impatient some Americans can be. A simple task such as waiting in line at the grocery store was ranked as one of the top places where some people tend to get impatient.
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Comment by Jolyn on April 16, 2008 at 4:37pm -
Well, other than for a newly attached couple (or in movies), I've never heard of much more than several minutes of sexual bliss. I suspect most people could do with a lot more naked hugging and kissing, though. This can certainly lead to sexual intercourse, but even if it doesn',t it can meet our basic needs for touching and closeness -- and maybe save our couple relationships..
I think a reason that some of us really don't get enough intimacy is that we don't set the time aside. That seems obvious, but I wonder why so many people don't seem to see this as a priority once they've been together for awhile. I bet it has to do with the vulnerability of sexual intimacy and the power struggles that so often linger in intimate relationships.
Maybe not feeling like we deserve to be loved or content in life, as well as life's necessary interferences, has something to do with it too..After all, we allow time for what are probably less important needs, like that second or third cup of coffee in the morning, shopping for yet another deal, watching TV or the myriad of other minutiae with which we fill our lives.
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