Can someone explain to me why food allergies are so polarizing?
Because I just don't get it. I've never asked for anything to be "banned" for my son and I do all of the cooking and buying and watch dogging. His father and I try to teach him to advocate for himself. We've not asked for many special considerations (unless you count no play doh in the classroom). But articles like these or these or this blog post (that as an allergy parent I find amazingly insensitive) keep popping up.
Why the back lash? Why the hate, dismissal, and all around trivialization of food allergies?
Can you imagine someone saying "I'm sick of hearing about all this cancer nonsense" or "All of this child safety seat nonsense is just another way to coddle kids" or "We should just stop trying to accommodate children in school with wheelchairs. They should just deal with it and their parents should just teach them how to get up stairs without ramps"?
We went to a birthday party yesterday. They served pizza, hot dogs on buns, fruit, chips and cake. I called the mom and RSVP'd but not once did I ask what was on the menu. We brought our own food. We brought a safe cupcake. I did not ask for anything for my son. NOTHING. They had a play doh table and he is contact reactive to wheat (I wasn't concerned that he would eat it at the age of 5) so he knows not to play with it. I didn't ask for the play doh not to played with. I didn't mention it at all until my son said "I wish I could play with that" and everyone looked me funny. Then I explained about the allergies. No one put the play doh away and I didn't request it.
So what harm did we cause at the party? In my opinion, none. But I do think from reading some of these articles and especially the blog post that some of the back lash is because maybe my son makes people feel a little uncomfortable. He's different and no one really likes different. And maybe, just maybe some of these people, deep down, feel a little bad about themselves (the article writers, not the party people - they were great) because they are too selfish to make a few extra accommodations for a food allergic child. It would take a little extra effort on their part to make the environment a little safer and they don't want to do the extra work. So instead of looking inside at themselves, they blame the child or the parents.
I really don't know the reason. But that is just one theory I have. Anyone else? What is your theory? Because I'm highly confused by it all.
Why the back lash? Why the hate, dismissal, and all around trivialization of food allergies?
Can you imagine someone saying "I'm sick of hearing about all this cancer nonsense" or "All of this child safety seat nonsense is just another way to coddle kids" or "We should just stop trying to accommodate children in school with wheelchairs. They should just deal with it and their parents should just teach them how to get up stairs without ramps"?
We went to a birthday party yesterday. They served pizza, hot dogs on buns, fruit, chips and cake. I called the mom and RSVP'd but not once did I ask what was on the menu. We brought our own food. We brought a safe cupcake. I did not ask for anything for my son. NOTHING. They had a play doh table and he is contact reactive to wheat (I wasn't concerned that he would eat it at the age of 5) so he knows not to play with it. I didn't ask for the play doh not to played with. I didn't mention it at all until my son said "I wish I could play with that" and everyone looked me funny. Then I explained about the allergies. No one put the play doh away and I didn't request it.
So what harm did we cause at the party? In my opinion, none. But I do think from reading some of these articles and especially the blog post that some of the back lash is because maybe my son makes people feel a little uncomfortable. He's different and no one really likes different. And maybe, just maybe some of these people, deep down, feel a little bad about themselves (the article writers, not the party people - they were great) because they are too selfish to make a few extra accommodations for a food allergic child. It would take a little extra effort on their part to make the environment a little safer and they don't want to do the extra work. So instead of looking inside at themselves, they blame the child or the parents.
I really don't know the reason. But that is just one theory I have. Anyone else? What is your theory? Because I'm highly confused by it all.
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Comment by Daniel Prager on September 29, 2009 at 10:36am -
Food allergies are extremely polarizing. In my experience a lot of the polarization comes back to the fact that many people do not view food allergies as serious. By illustrating the seriousness of these allergies and illuminating the severity of the consequences we can definitely get the word out.
While raising awareness is one important aspect of food allergy advocacy, we also need to make it easier for those who suffer from food allergies to receive the Allergy Free Products they need. That has been the mission of Free From Market. Let me know what you think!
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Comment by Janeen on August 3, 2009 at 7:43am -
Amanda,
You are correct. It's not just food allergies that get this kind of reaction. I of course brought this one issue up because A. Food allergies affect my family and B. The media seems to be overly harsh on food allergies. It seems to be "PC" to attack those with food allergies in the media (I've even seen talk show hosts do it). Friday afternoon I was at store picking out new plumbing (exciting, I know) and the woman that was helping me was speaking to my boys trying to keep them entertained because they were less than enthused by the whole experience. It was getting close to dinner time and she asked my youngest if "you are going out to dinner after this" just expecting that it was something we would do because obviously I didn't have time to prepare dinner since we had been in the store all afternoon. My son just stared at her because due to his food allergies, we really don't go out to dinner. This lead to a whole conversation about food allergies and we found out that the woman's daughter has a peanut allergy. The next thing that she brought up was an article in the Cleveland Plain Dealer that ran a few years ago about a local school system that was going to go peanut free and the backlash that ensued because people weren't able to send peanut butter sandwiches for their children and the tone the newspaper took about the whole thing. She said it was the only time in her life that she ever wrote a rebuttal letter to a newspaper. I do feel like the peanut bans bring out a "my rights vs. your rights" issue and that instead of people having compassion for someone, they take a stance like they are being told what to do and no one likes to be told what to do. And to a certain degree I understand that. My confusion comes into play when people get mean or down right evil and say things like they wish the child would just eat peanut butter and die. But I guess you have extremists everywhere.
I do feel this way of thinking goes across more ailments than just food allergies. I think anyone who has an illness that is not a media darling is affected this way. Even if it is just in the form of lack of funding. Those with the loudest voices seem to get the most money. Those that get the most attention in the media get the most attention when it comes to funding for research. That's why there are so many of us "trying to get the word out".
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Comment by amanda on August 1, 2009 at 9:54pm -
Janeen this is a really insight post and an idea that I've been mulling over lately too. Why are people so reactive to other people's ailments? Do they really not understand? Even after all of the research that exists and people around that can attest to the real severity of food allergies? Or do they simply not like the reality of it? It's confusing.
It makes me wonder what is going on in other countries. Ours is clearly black and white - either you deal with food allergies personally or you get angered by them. I can't help but wonder if this particular intolerance has something to do with our excessive, food-drive culture. We find such absolute comfort in excessive food and 'freedom' that we can't understand when people don't jump up to accommodate us. (As a former waitress, I was absolutely shocked at how rude and unkind people can be about something as simple as a slightly incorrect order, for example. It is in our culture to ask continually, "what can you do for me?" "what else can I get?" "how can I get what I want?") So I'm not surprised that people can't comprehend going out of their way to accommodate for someone else (or their child)! :/ Ugh. This entitlement is a big piece to the puzzle of why people are so quick to comment negatively on food allergies or other health issues. But I think the fact that you, and so many other allergy parents work so hard to make it easy for not only your own child but also everyone else is so awesome. But it makes the backlash even more unfair because you are trying.
I wonder if this same reaction is happening outside of the US? It's unsettling. When we make a few steps forward toward acceptance and understanding of any medical condition, it seems we simultaneously take a few steps back. Food allergies are just starting to become publicized and now there is already a huge backlash? I hope that this is just a "big deal" for non-allergy parents to make a fuss about because they aren't used to the concept. Maybe over time people who don't have to deal with it will just get over their apprehension or anger or discontent and realize that their discomfort or 'rights' are not more important than the well-being and safety of other people's! (I feel like all of these sentiments can be applied, as well, to the mental health community. Why would someone ever assume people are faking something that is so potentially or realistically painful and obtrusive? I think people who do this are just trying to ignore the actual severity at hand and blame the individual to ignore the very real possibility that life is hard and health problems are serious.)
I'm interested in seeing what others in the community have to say about this.
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Comment by Sue on August 1, 2009 at 9:19pm - I don't get it either. I haven't read the articles yet but I too get so angry. I do ask before a party what's on the menu but make it clear that I like to know what to look out for. I can better bring something similar for Kayla and know what I'm walking into. But I don't ask for concessions either. I appreciate when friends don't serve cheese doodles, but have never asked that of friends or acquaintances. I find out what I can about the surroundings and make my decision on whether to go and prepare myself and Kayla as much as possible. I also find asking for some help (washing hands, etc) goes further than demands. I've very very rarely had issues when approached the right way. it's all so sad and frustrating! Great post Janeen.
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