Forgetting Normal

Today, I felt normal. Normal? Yes, ok, my old normal. The normal I used to be, before Dystonia. The normal I'd love to be again. I have heard that your health is priceless. Oh how true that statement is.

My mom has said,"A degree is something nobody can take away from you." But, health, well, I wish it were true about my health.

I was never driven to be a career woman or do anything in the work arena. But, I was looking forward to a career once my kids were raised....but, God has another plan for me. Like I tell my children, God's plans are always better then anythng we could dream of".

I finally did it, began a career with a major airlines. I made it thru 6 weeks of training and busting my butt to pass or lose my job. My mind was struggling to grasp simple things. There I was, 40 years old, crying in the bathroom of the airline hub training center. Crying and crying like a small child, I wanted it so badly, my career finally. I'd go back at night and study and study. If my grades did not end that week with a certain percentage, I would be fired. I knew it true, I saw a classmate be fired on the spot, sent to the airport for the 'walk of shame' she referred to it, as you walk into your home airport, hang your head and empty your locker. Turn over your badge as a employee and your airport security badge. Ouch!

Even as I write this, though it pains me. Why did I lose my job?...well, this horrible thing called Dystonia. I had not been diagnosed at the time, but was taking meds for the nerve pain---Lyrica from Mayo Doctors when they said I had a small fiberneuropathy and then Cymbalta also. Lyrica makes me sleepy. Trying working all types of hours, so 'you can see the whole picture of the air lines' and take sleepy meds. Not a good idea.

I was stumbling by the end of a shift and barely able to walk to my car. I couldn't smell a conyeor belt on fire or feel the curling iron burn my forehead when I curled my straight bangs. And we had to increase the water temp to get a hot bath...it was hot, but I could not feel the heat.

I did not tell them at time of employment of my problem because as far as I knew, it was no big deal to Mayo. So when I knew I needed to quit, I saw the boss. She read me the 'rules' out of the book and said, "You never told us you had health issues when we hired you." They could see how hard I tried. I never can be accused of laziness. I try SO hard! She said kindly, "Deanna, you have to take care of your health first. If you are better in a year and can work then we will hire you back, I promise." I believe her.

I loved meeting people who had never flown before young and old. I loved encouraging them to look out and see themselves above the clouds and the view of the earth below. I met a lady who had a empty nest and her husband past away in the past year and for a moment in time...we touched something of our pains inside. I was nearly unable
to hold myself back from hugging her. We both touched each other in our hearts for one brief moment.

After I stopped working, within a week, and boy did I mourn the loss of my dream, the same airlines, made its splash down in the Hudson River was it, in NY. Captain Sully, had flown out of our airport as I had seen him time and time again. But, for me, it crushed me more. I was no longer part of such a great airline or people.

SIGH.....I don't know why God opens and shuts doors when and how He does, but I will keep pressing on.I have a dear friend whom I never met on this Dystonia site. 2 women, battling our Dystonia...one day at a time. Both moms, wives and fellow travlers down this unseen journey. So tonight, I count you all as friends, will continue counting my blessings as I wake each morning and add her to my morning blessings to be counted....even though she is only a bunch of purple flowers, that is enough. For her friendship has brightend my days and her encouragement help me to go on.

Good night my fellow sisters with Dystonia,
Deanna