Infertility Support: Tips on How to Identify What You Need

Support is such a vital component of infertility. It's what keeps us all sane through the treatments and the tears. Sometimes the most important thing you can do is to determine the type of support you need and from whom.

Who do you need support from:

- Your friends
- Your family
- Your partner
- Your partner's family
- Your boss
- Your coworkers
- Your doctor or doctors


What kind of support do you need from them:

- To accompany you to and from doctors' visits
- To be available 24/7 for moral support via phone and/or email
- To go get a cup of coffee
- To talk about the weather or the latest celebrity gossip
- To enable you to take an additional personal day here or there
- To be excused (guilt-free) from baby-related events
- To join you for a run or a session at the gym


We sometimes assume that people don't want to help or aren't being supportive, when really they simply don't know what you need. Remember it's about you. What do you want and/or need? Certain people will fill certain roles based on what they are capable of managing themselves. Infertility is a difficult topic and not everyone is able to talk about, but they can be supportive and helpful in a myriad of other ways. Be sensitive to this fact. It will lead to a stronger support network full of the right people designated to the right duties.

When we experienced our first miscarriage, the most perfect contribution and offering of support we received was a dinner of awesome rice and beans dropped off by a coworker. It was perfect and exactly what we needed. No conversation, awkwardness or tears. It made me realize what it was that I needed and that I needed to be more vocal about those needs to others so they best best knew how to help us.

During this exercise of self awareness I also realized that what I needed changed over time. What I needed one week afterward was very different than what I needed two months following. There came a point when I was ready to have a more open conversation and I was vocal about that particular need. I actively sought out people to talk too. I realized that not everyone was the right person to have such a conversation, but by being vocal about my need to talk about things the people who were willing to listen stepped up. The result was a much better support situation.

This brings us back to what do you need? Sit down and write out a list:

- What do you feel?
- What are the hard parts?
- What do you need to get through the tough stuff?
- Who do you need to help you?


What should you consider when determining what you need? What do you want others around you to do or not do? What are your expectations - and are those expectations fair? It is easy to slip into expecting certain actions from certain people and finding yourself disappointed when those expectations aren't met. You are already dealing with an emotionally charged situation. Don't add any additional stress unnecessarily. Remember different people will fill different support roles. The people in your life want to help you, but may need some insight and direction into what shape that support takes. Be honest, with yourself and with others, to ensure that you are surrounded by the appropriate support network that fosters support, comfort, relaxation, inspiration and hope.

Discussion: What type of support did/or do you need? How have those close to you best supported you during your infertility journey? What do you wish someone had done? Join the discussion in the Infertility community.

Related posts:

- Blog post: Infertility Support from Around the Web
- Discussion: Infertility: What's Your Story?
- Join the Infertility community