Secondary Infertility: The challenge of a second child

For the most part, in the WEGO Health Infertility group, we've concentrated mostly on infertility as a primary condition, but with the recent news of Celine Dion's miscarriage, the topic of secondary infertility has come to the media-forefront. What is secondary infertility? It's statistically the most common form of infertility; the inability to become pregnant after the birth of one or more biological children (for the same couple).

Unfortunately, though it is statistically such a highly diagnosed condition, there is an absolutely unique dilemma that comes with the diagnosis. Once a couple has a child without the help of "reproductive technology," many around them presumes that they are indeed fertile. Infertility is an invisible illness like chronic pain, depression and many auto-immune conditions. With secondary infertility, friends and family may even blame the couple for their infertility. "Just be grateful for the one(s) you have," and "Well how did you have the first one if you're infertile?" are statements heard by those living with secondary infertility. This can easily isolate a couple as well as cause them to question the idea that they are allowed to grieve for the lack of multiple children. The mental and emotional fantasy of having multiple children can be quickly smashed when a couple receives a diagnosis of secondary infertility.

On top of the parents struggle with secondary infertility, the child(ren) of the couple may also deal with the stress of not having a sibling. Children are incredibly observant and will notice the anguish of their parents. While children may not have direct inquiries about why Daddy is sad, or why Mommy is sick (frequently seeing a doctor), they may begin to act out or withdraw for attention. The curse of secondary infertility also makes a parent worry about finances - how much can a couple safely invest in a second child? With all of these emotional heavies in the picture, secondary infertility deserves a louder voice.

# Secondary Infertility: when having more children is an unexpected c...

# When You're Not Expecting - a book by Connie Shapiro - "This book is for you if: your inability to get pregnant is causing you confusion and anxiety. You can't figure out who to tell about your infertility (or how much to confide). You are not getting the support you need. Your sex life has lost its zing now that you have calendars and ovulation kits on your bedside table. You are single or in a lesbian relationship and hoping to conceive. You have experienced pregnancy loss. More and more, your life and every decision you make seem to revolve around your infertility."

# Second Chances - stories of a woman living with secondary infertility and her ride on the pregnancy rollercoaster