Spotlight: triciajoy

Spotlight: Trish Websites: Fertile Hope and Remarkable Robbie Blogging for: 2 + years Occupation: Network support, but currently a stay-at-home mom for the next year Favorite food: "I could eat Mexican food everyday!" "Stick with it until you've exhausted your options. And if your journey doesn't end with a biological child, don't feel defeated. You're a solider in the battle. You matter."

What motivated you to start blogging about your fertility experiences?
I've always been one to write through the pain. As a teenager, I wrote angsty (awful!) poetry. Then as an adult, I tinkered with a journal here and there but nothing ever really stuck.

At age 30, I spent over a year in the process of trying to have a baby and also experienced my first miscarriage. I was hurting and felt like I really had nowhere to go with the dark thoughts that filled my head. My husband didn't seem nearly as troubled by the jealousy and grief as I was. I needed a place to get it out.

When I started, I didn’t expect anyone to read. For a while, I didn't tell anyone I knew (even online friends) about the blog. It was just for me. That changed later – but in the beginning, it was just a much-needed emotional release.

What was your motivation for getting and remaining involved with the online fertility community?
Getting involved was a gradual process. I made an online friend (on a message board that had nothing to do with babies or even health) who had been through some infertility testing and treatment and suffered a miscarriage. I'd gotten to know a little about fertility issues during her trials. Naturally, when my husband and I started trying to conceive, I asked her questions. As it became more apparent that we were having trouble, she referred me to a few communities – which became nothing short of an obsession.

After that, staying involved wasn’t a choice. Even after my son was born, I'd simply made too many friends to leave. Plus, my son was born extremely premature and those community members had rallied their support in spite of their own issues with getting and staying pregnant. They weren't just a "community" anymore – they were my friends.

What have been some of your favorite articles/posts?
Many of my favorite posts aren’t saved any more, but I still have one bookmarked even after all this time. This post , from Serenity Now, really summed up my feelings towards the rest of the world during our attempts at baby-making.

And quite frequently the question, “What do I say to my friend who just miscarried?" comes up and I always refer those people to this article, What to Say When She’s Not Expecting. Because, even with the religious overtones, it's just plain old good and heartfelt advice.

What are your favorite online resources and communities?
Resources:
InterNational Council on Infertility Information Dissemination
Infertility Blog
March of Dimes
ivf.ca

Communities:
The Bump: Trouble TTC community

What are some of the first tips/suggestions you offer to people who are in the initial stages of infertility diagnosis or are simply trying to conceive?

For those just starting to get serious – read the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler.
My 2nd suggestion might be the most important: Get yourself an infertile friend.

I got lucky and found a local friend online. She'd started fertility treatments only a month or two before me and switched REs based on my recommendation. We jokingly refer to each other as our IFBFF. (Infertile Best Friend Forever). She was someone I could always be honest with. If I felt jealous, angry, or sad, she always "got it." And because she was local, if I needed a drink or to go out just to talk and vent, she was available. I never had to worry about judgment or being blindsided by an excited pregnancy announcement. She truly kept me sane.

Even if it's someone from on online forum, stay in touch with someone who shares your experience. It can be a lifesaver.

What additional encouragement and/or advice would you offer to those experiencing infertility?

I try to not offer too much advice because the usual "advice" is often nonsense (the blogging community often calls it "assvice" because it's useless). During our struggles, I thought if I heard "just relax" one more time, I might turn to homicide.

As for encouragement, all I can offer is a view from the other side. It IS worth it. Our path was easier than some and harder than others. And our foray into parenthood hasn't been an easy one by any means. (Our son was born 14 weeks early and spent his first 3 months of life in a hospital. He still suffers some medical issues.) But I can say with confidence that it is worth it.

I liked to think of infertility as the enemy – I personified it and refused to let it win. Sometimes that meant that I couldn't take a break cycle when we probably needed one, but it's also what kept me from giving up.

Stick with it until you've exhausted your options. And if your journey doesn't end with a biological child, don't feel defeated. You're a solider in the battle. You matter.

What inspires you to do what you’re doing?
It's selfish, really: I like to write and I love the feedback. I love feeling like part of something.

What has been the most rewarding part of it all?
That one is easy – my son, Robbie.

Learn more about triciajoy.

Who inspires you? Let us know who we should feature in our next Spotlight Interview. Write us at community@wegohealth.com